JOIN ME IN ST. LOUIS FOR A FREE LECTURE ON EMBRACING FAMILY DYNAMICS
THURSDAY NOVEMBER 14 AT 7PM - Click here to register and learn more
Family! We long to belong, to be valued and seen, to feel supported and safe––most especially with those in “our tribe.” Yes we are tribal by nature, it’s fundamental for us to survive and thrive. This is why our family members are often best at pushing our buttons and why our family gatherings often come with such mixed emotions.
Further, we don’t get to pick exactly who will come to the table and we certainly can’t control different personality traits, personal views and how everyone chooses to behave. True that we do have limited control over others, but rest assured we have tremendous control over our own mindset and how we approach whatever we face around us.
Here are 5 tips to create more harmony and make the most of this year’s family get-togethers:
1. Practice Radical Acceptance
Adopting a mindset of radical acceptance awakens our capacity for one of life’s most powerful tools: EQUANIMITY. That is, the inner calm and balance we find when we embrace human imperfection with acceptance and an open heart. With radical acceptance, we relax and let go of resisting or judging the present reality. From this inner peace, we are better able to proceed in the best way to help our family circumstances.
Radical acceptance sets us up for personal growth rather than making our lives more difficult by resisting, judging or resenting someone or a dynamic in the family. When we bypass acceptance, we miss the gifts and lessons meant for us in whatever difficulties we face.
2. Let Go of Expectations and Control
We can improve our relationships but we cannot control them to match our dream or expected scenario. Check for your ideal dream to which you are comparing your present family situation. When there is a big gap between what is realistic and what you are dreaming of, this is the time to let go. This can come with great loss, which can feel sad and painful. However, embracing loss, when approached proactively, comes with great freedom on the other side. Others are going to choose to live their lives the way they prefer and the best news of all is that we have the power to do the same.
3. Cope Ahead with Self Love and Care
Treat yourself the way you wish others would treat you. Be self-kind and self-compassionate. Make sure to lean on your best habits, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Breathe, relax your shoulders and invite in whatever higher force speaks to you. Connect with friends who you feel safe with and who get you through and through.
Check for unrealistic expectations and grow your radical acceptance. Journal and/or speak with a trusted therapist or friend to identify the inner work this family event is awakening. Personal growth reels our energy and power source back where it belongs––within.
5. Affirming Sentences
To optimize your experience when you gather with your family, fortify yourself with one or a few affirming sentences that put your mind in a higher, more loving and peaceful place. Repeat them as a mantra when you notice yourself distressed in any way. Here are some examples:
Everyone is on their own life journey.
I am here because I value my family.
I accept the parents and family I received, just as they are.
I embrace human imperfection with an open heart.
My self worth and balance come from within.
Whatever happened in the past, I allow for a fresh start now.
I breathe, lower my shoulders and invite the Creator in.
There’s nothing I need to fix, but I will do what I can to help.
I decide about my own destiny.
I feel at peace when each of us can be the way we are.
4. Keep it Light and Build Unity (no touchy subjects)
If you have issues with someone in your family, or their views, a family get together is not the place for addressing these. Focus on the good memories of joy and connection, on what you truly appreciate about your family. Focus your perspective on what you do share in common. Maybe it’s your love of the family, a funny memory, sharing good news or personal challenges, relishing yummy recipes and beloved traditions. DON’T FORGET ABOUT GAMES! Games can buffer some tricky dynamics and relax our bodies by way of play and fun.
Take Away
Family get-togethers can bring great joy, but you are not alone if you find them triggering. Never forget the control you have inside yourself to use whatever you experience around you as leverage for your own personal and spiritual growth. While you might have limited control over others, you have everything it takes within you to create calm and balance––during the holidays and all year long.
