Achieving a work-life balance can be tricky, especially for women and moms who tend to perpetually juggle multiple responsibilities and mental/emotional loads. In honor of International Women’s Day, it’s important to talk about ways that women can feel more happy, healthy and balanced. A work-life imbalance can lead to serious consequences. Research shows the psychological and physical problems that many women suffer when they experience work-life imbalance, such as depression, frequent headaches, hypertension and obesity.
Most of us have heard the flight attendants’ instructions, “Put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.” It’s easy to say “amen” to putting self care first. We know logically that self care helps us show up better for others. In reality, this advice proves much harder to implement, especially for women. We all have great capacity to be powerful channels of good. However, we too easily forget that we are merely channels, and as such, we must maintain the vessel of that channeling––that is, our body, mind, heart and spirit.
Here are some common challenges I tend to hear from women and mothers:
I put taking care of myself last. Kids come first, then my relationship, then myself. Isn’t that what being a good woman and mother means?
I often feel guilty, especially if I do something joyful for myself.
I always have to be exceptional, good enough is never good enough.
I don't even know what I like for myself anymore; I’m so focused on everyone else.
I don’t ask for help because I feel pressure to do everything. Besides, I’ll probably do it better.
I don’t feel supported at work to manage the workload and long working hours while trying to balance my personal life.
Here are some tips to help you navigate the competing demands of showing up for others and showing up yourself.
Tip #1: Identify What Lights You Up. Finish this sentence, “Something in my life is not right unless I ______________________.’
Let this prompt help you form a list of activities and experiences in your life that you know keep you connected to your life force and your authentic values. You might not be able to keep in balance with all of your self care list, but at least find your non-negotiable habits to shoot for most of the time. Then you can add in the next tier intermittently.
For instance, for me, Something in my life is not right …
Unless I get a good night's sleep, I go for a walk outside in the morning and listen to something spiritual.
Unless I am spending time with family and friends, cooking and baking, entertaining, and being creative.
Unless I am reading, writing in my journal or poetry, or learning something new.
Unless I am traveling and connecting with my spiritual community
Tip #2: Connect With Your Inner Worth
We often overdo and put unkind pressure on ourselves trying to chase away the feeling of not being good enough. We can easily fall into the trap of believing that our worth is tied to what we produce, that is, thinking we are only a human doing versus a human being. Pause, breathe, and relax into the valuable, whole, and already amazing woman that you are, unconditionally, and treat yourself as such. In your thoughts, words, actions and interactions, come from a baseline consciousness of:
I am worthy of support.
My happiness has value in and of itself.
I am worthy of self care.
I am worthy of love.
I am worthy of balance.
I am worthy of joy and fun.
I am worthy of receiving help.
Human being, not just human doing, adds value to me and the world.
Tip #3: Get Comfortable With Asking For Help and Allocating Funds To Support You
The more we practice something uncomfortable, the more comfortable we become with it. Asking for help can feel vulnerable which we tend to run from. Make friends with vulnerability. It’s actually a source of true strength. I like to seek role models who are good at asking for help and spend their money wisely to receive support. I encourage you to invest in yourself, even if you need to adjust your family’s budget.
Make a list of who you could be turning to but are hesitant to do so. This could mean spending time with a friend who fills your cup. Maybe there’s a friend or family member who you can ask to help you with something. Some find it helpful to talk (calmly) with their partner about creating more domestic harmony. Perhaps meeting with your boss to request some adjustments to help support you would open something up for you. The self advocating alone can help you feel happy with yourself.
Take Away:
Women are growing more and more in touch with their power of choice, their power to nurture and build up, their power to create and manifest. What MUST go along with this expansion in claiming a woman’s true power is the inherent value we possess and the priority required to show up for ourselves. It’s important to realize how responsible it is to show up for yourself. We want to follow happy balanced leaders and this is what women deserve and our world needs.
Additional resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-balanced-working-mama/202201/5-steps-becoming-well-and-balanced-mother
