With all our good intentions, only about eight percent of people actually stay with the New Year’s resolutions they make. We either forget about the goal itself, lose the desire and vision, or come to find that what we vowed to do or change requires a level of effort that is just too hard to maintain. This poor track record doesn’t mean we should abandon the idea of reflecting on what we want to change to make this new year even better. We need an approach that realistically builds our desire for change, gently and consistently.
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Themes Vs Resolutions
The key is to reframe our personal goal setting into themes versus resolutions. In a nutshell, a new year’s theme is a word or phrase that awakens a better quality of thinking and approach to yourself and your life. This new mindset then filters into our words, actions and decisions.
New mindset → filters into our words, reactions and decisions.
As an example, my theme for 2023 is BALANCE. A great shift happens by merely bringing my mind to this one word. I relax and release the urge to over function, over create, over do. I see where my thoughts might be irrational and open a gateway to connect within, to my true self. I begin to listen to what my soul knows––which often becomes a reminder to be in the moment and en-joy. I make room for a direct conversation with my Source and shift into the knowing that my worth is vast and untouchable, unlinked to what I produce.
Unlike New Year’s themes, resolutions tend to jump straight to a behavior or reaction we want to change and can lead to one-off, isolated attempts for results without addressing the root. Resolution-setting gives us a temporary high from the idea of change itself and this creates a perfect set up for an emotional crash when we forget or fail to follow through.
Themes are gentler, more ongoing and geared toward the root of where change begins––in our consciousness.
Here are some more common differences between resolutions and themes:
Habits Matter but Everything Starts with Consciousness
Themes are more effective than resolutions in large part because they are geared toward an internal change of mindset and not just an external goal or behavior change. This doesn’t mean that good habits are not essential for making positive changes. I’m actually a huge fan of the power of good habits, allowing us to transform one habit at a time.
However, the habit of all habits is too often overlooked. That is, the habit of WHERE WE FOCUS OUR THOUGHTS. We hold vastly more power than we realize to direct the quality of our lives by way of internally changing our thought patterns. We see this in scientific and spiritual disciplines alike. Nothing has deepened my understanding of how our thoughts create our reality as the wisdom of Kabbalah. The most powerful and lasting shifts we make begin with our consciousness.
Choosing Your Theme or Word
The year is young so let’s get started. What themes or thoughts do you want in the driver’s seat of your consciousness in 2023? This theme or word will serve as a tool to center you, day in and day out, moment to moment so you can inject an upgraded approach into every aspect of your life.
Step 1: Reflect
Get quiet, listen inside, self-talk out loud, journal, talk it out with a friend or partner, or pray if this is something you like to do. See what emerges. You can start with goals, behaviors and habits, if these come to mind first. But be sure to dig a little deeper and see what kind of mindset shift or deeper desire dwells beneath. Think about the process, the how you want to be more so than simply what you want to achieve.
Here are some questions to help you reflect (journaling is recommended):
What could I use more of and less of in my life?
What do I want to change about myself? Which thoughts? Which behaviors?
What qualities in myself do I want to cultivate?
What are some of my goals and what are the deeper desires underneath?
How do I want to feel in my life?
What are the values I want to live by?
Step 2: Take Your Goals a Step Further
Your theme can be connected to concrete goals, but identifying a more expansive desire at the root is more effective. For example, if writing a book is a goal you have. You can dig a little deeper and identify that at the core you want to inspire more people versus validate your worth. You might find that really it’s more COURAGE that you seek to grow––courage to expose yourself and be vulnerable. Courage and strength to be consistent and risk going after something that could lead to rejection and failure. Courage being your guiding light takes you from outcome-focus to process-focus which paradoxically gives us a better chance for success.
Step 3: Choose Your Phrase
A phrase can help us choose a state of mind or state of being you want to integrate, like “see the good,” “I am worthy,” “keep it simple,” “as it should be,” “Pause-Breathe-Relax, or “being good to myself.”
Step 4: What’s Your WORD
Many find it helpful to put their theme into a single word to represent their intention for your year. This word might just appear to you or develop through the process of reflecting on your goals and their underlying theme. The single word, like my example of BALANCE, is easier to remember and once meditated upon can expand into a series of spiritual ideas and positive directions to take your mind and actions.
Here are some sample words to consider:
Step 5: How to Make the Most of Your Theme
Build Desire
We can pick the perfect word for our year, but without nourishing our soul’s endless desire for more, then we will miss out. I like the practice of creating a written dialogue between the body/ego voice (limited, short term desires) and the soul’s voice (endless to build inspiration and motivation. They each have their own agendas and getting these parts of us to talk can help highlight all we have to gain by listening to our soul.
Practice Micro-mindfulness: PBR
We need constant reminding to bring ourselves into the present moment to remember our true intentions. PBR! This stands for Pause, Breathe, Relax and it’s a great tool to become intentional. Once you PBR→ then remember your word or theme.
Use Your Word as a Compass: Own it!
Throughout your day, as you bring your word into focus, ask yourself, “How can I embody, live or express ––––(Insert your word here)––––in this moment?” Own it! Lean on your word to guide how you think and talk to yourself, how you make decisions and respond to others. For example, if your word is lovable, “How can I relate with myself and with others right now with LOVABLE as my guide?”
